SPIRITUAL GUIDE TO COUNTING THE OMER
A practical guide to becoming great in 49
days.
With
the mitzvah of counting the 49 days, known as Sefirat Ha'Omer, the Torah
invites us on a journey into the human psyche, into the soul. There are seven
basic emotions that make up the spectrum of human experience. At the root of
all forms of enslavement, is a distortion of these emotions. Each of the seven
weeks between Passover and Shavuot is dedicated to examining and refining one
of them.
The seven emotional attributes are:
The seven weeks, which represent these
emotional attributes, further divide into seven days making up the 49 days of
the counting. Since a fully functional emotion is multidimensional, it includes
within itself a blend of all seven attributes. Thus, the counting of the first
week, which begins on the second night of Pesach, as well as consisting of the
actual counting ("Today is day one of the Omer...") would consist of
the following structure with suggested meditations:
Upon conclusion of the 49 days we arrive at
the 50th day ― Mattan Torah. After we have achieved all we can accomplish
through our own initiative, traversing and refining every emotional corner of
our psyche, we then receive a gift ('mattan' in Hebrew) from above. We receive
that which we could not achieve with our own limited faculties. We receive the
gift of true freedom ― the ability to transcend our human limitations and touch
the divine.
During
the sixth week of counting the Omer, we examine and refine the emotional
attribute of Yesod or bonding. Bonding means connecting; not only feeling for
another, but being attached to him. Not just a token commitment, but total
devotion. It creates a channel between giver and receiver. Bonding is eternal.
It develops an everlasting union that lives on forever through the perpetual
fruit it bears.
Bonding
is the foundation of life. The emotional spine of the human psyche. Every
person needs bonding to flourish and grow. The bonding between mother and
child; between husband and wife; between brothers and sisters; between close
friends. Bonding is affirmation; it gives one the sense of belonging; that
"I matter", "I am significant and important". It establishes
trust ― trust in yourself and trust in others. It instills confidence. Without
bonding and nurturing we cannot realize and be ourselves.
Love
is the heart of bonding. You cannot bond without love. Love establishes a
reliable base on which bonding can build. If you have a problem bonding,
examine how much you love the one (or the experience) with which you wish to
bond. Do I try to bond without first fostering a loving attitude? Is my bonding
expressed in a loving manner?
Exercise
for the day: Demonstrate the bond you have with your child or friend through an
act of love.
Bonding
must be done with discretion and careful consideration with whom and with what
you bond. Even the healthiest and closest bonding needs "time out", a
respect for each individual's space. Do I overbond? Am I too dependent on the
one I bond with? Is he too dependent on me? Do I bond out of desperation? Do I
bond with healthy, wholesome people?
Exercise
for the day: Review the discipline in your bonding experiences to see if it
needs adjustment.
Bonding
needs to be not only loving but also compassionate, feeling your friend's pain
and empathizing with him. Is my bonding conditional? Do I withdraw when I am
uncomfortable with my friend's troubles?
Exercise
for the day: Offer help and support in dealing with an ordeal of someone with
whom you have bonded.
An
essential component of bonding is its endurance; its ability to withstand
challenges and setbacks. Without endurance there is no chance to develop true
bonding. Am I totally committed to the one with whom I bond? How much will I
endure and how ready am I to fight to maintain this bond? Is the person I bond
with aware of my devotion?
Exercise
for the day: Demonstrate the endurance level of your bonding by confronting a
challenge that obstructs the bond.
Humility
is crucial in healthy bonding. Arrogance divides people. Preoccupation with
your own desires and needs separates you from others. Humility allows you to
appreciate another person and bond with him. Healthy bonding is the union of
two distinct people, with independent personalities, who join for a higher
purpose than satisfying their own needs. True humility comes from recognizing
and acknowledging God in your life. Am I aware of the third partner ― God ― in
bonding? And that this partner gives me the capacity to unite with another,
despite our distinctions.
Exercise
for the day: When praying acknowledge God specifically for helping you bond
with others.
Every
person needs and has the capacity to bond with other people, with significant
undertakings and with meaningful experiences. Do I have difficulty bonding? Is
the difficulty in all areas or only in certain ones? Do I bond easily with my
job, but have trouble bonding with people? Or vice versa?
Examine
the reasons for not bonding. Is it because I am too critical and find fault in
everything as an excuse for not bonding? Am I too locked in my own ways? Is my
not bonding a result of discomfort with vulnerability? Have I been hurt in my
past bonding experiences? Has my trust been abused? Is my fear of bonding a
result of the deficient bonding I experienced as a child?
To
cultivate your capacity to bond, even if you have valid reasons to distrust,
you must remember that God gave you a Divine soul that is nurturing and loving
and you must learn to recognize the voice within, which will allow you to
experience other people's souls and hearts. Then you can slowly drop your
defenses when you recognize someone or something you can truly trust.
One
additional point: Bonding breeds bonding. When you bond in one area of your
life, it helps you bond in other areas.
Exercise
for the day: Begin bonding with a new person or experience you love by
committing designated time each day or week to spend together constructively.
Bonding
must enhance a person's sovereignty. It should nurture and strengthen your own
dignity and the dignity of the one you bond with. Does my bonding inhibit the
expression of my personality and qualities? Does it overwhelm the one I bond
with?
Exercise
for the day: Emphasize and highlight the strengths of the one with whom you
bond.
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