During the sixth week of counting the Omer,
we examine and refine the emotional attribute of Yesod or bonding. Bonding
means connecting; not only feeling for another, but being attached to him. Not
just a token commitment, but total devotion. It creates a channel between giver
and receiver. Bonding is eternal. It develops an everlasting union that lives
on forever through the perpetual fruit it bears.
Bonding is the foundation of life. The
emotional spine of the human psyche. Every person needs bonding to flourish and
grow. The bonding between mother and child; between husband and wife; between
brothers and sisters; between close friends. Bonding is affirmation; it gives
one the sense of belonging; that "I matter", "I am significant and
important". It establishes trust ― trust in yourself and trust in others.
It instills confidence. Without bonding and nurturing we cannot realize and be
ourselves.
Love is the heart of bonding. You cannot bond
without love. Love establishes a reliable base on which bonding can build. If
you have a problem bonding, examine how much you love the one (or the
experience) with which you wish to bond. Do I try to bond without first
fostering a loving attitude? Is my bonding expressed in a loving manner?
Exercise for the day: Demonstrate the bond
you have with your child or friend through an act of love.
Bonding must be done with discretion and
careful consideration with whom and with what you bond. Even the healthiest and
closest bonding needs "time out", a respect for each individual's
space. Do I overbond? Am I too dependent on the one I bond with? Is he too
dependent on me? Do I bond out of desperation? Do I bond with healthy,
wholesome people?
Exercise for the day: Review the discipline
in your bonding experiences to see if it needs adjustment.
Bonding needs to be not only loving but also
compassionate, feeling your friend's pain and empathizing with him. Is my
bonding conditional? Do I withdraw when I am uncomfortable with my friend's
troubles?
Exercise for the day: Offer help and support
in dealing with an ordeal of someone with whom you have bonded.
An essential component of bonding is its
endurance; its ability to withstand challenges and setbacks. Without endurance
there is no chance to develop true bonding. Am I totally committed to the one
with whom I bond? How much will I endure and how ready am I to fight to
maintain this bond? Is the person I bond with aware of my devotion?
Exercise for the day: Demonstrate the
endurance level of your bonding by confronting a challenge that obstructs the
bond.
Humility is crucial in healthy bonding.
Arrogance divides people. Preoccupation with your own desires and needs
separates you from others. Humility allows you to appreciate another person and
bond with him. Healthy bonding is the union of two distinct people, with
independent personalities, who join for a higher purpose than satisfying their
own needs. True humility comes from recognizing and acknowledging God in your
life. Am I aware of the third partner ― God ― in bonding? And that this partner
gives me the capacity to unite with another, despite our distinctions.
Exercise for the day: When praying
acknowledge God specifically for helping you bond with others.
Every person needs and has the capacity to
bond with other people, with significant undertakings and with meaningful
experiences. Do I have difficulty bonding? Is the difficulty in all areas or
only in certain ones? Do I bond easily with my job, but have trouble bonding
with people? Or vice versa?
Examine the reasons for not bonding. Is it
because I am too critical and find fault in everything as an excuse for not
bonding? Am I too locked in my own ways? Is my not bonding a result of
discomfort with vulnerability? Have I been hurt in my past bonding experiences?
Has my trust been abused? Is my fear of bonding a result of the deficient
bonding I experienced as a child?
To cultivate your capacity to bond, even if
you have valid reasons to distrust, you must remember that God gave you a
Divine soul that is nurturing and loving and you must learn to recognize the
voice within, which will allow you to experience other people's souls and
hearts. Then you can slowly drop your defenses when you recognize someone or
something you can truly trust.
One additional point: Bonding breeds bonding.
When you bond in one area of your life, it helps you bond in other areas.
Exercise for the day: Begin bonding with a
new person or experience you love by committing designated time each day or
week to spend together constructively.
Bonding must enhance a person's sovereignty.
It should nurture and strengthen your own dignity and the dignity of the one
you bond with. Does my bonding inhibit the expression of my personality and
qualities? Does it overwhelm the one I bond with?
Exercise for the day: Emphasize and highlight
the strengths of the one with whom you bond.
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